Fight or Flight: The Embers of War
by jammin287
Summary: AU. Goes through Harry's fourth year. Part three of the Fight or Flight series. "I feel like we're balanced on the edge of a cliff, and one wrong step could throw us off into the abyss. The abyss will ruin us all"


It was cold. Bitterly cold. The wind bit at any exposed flesh and the sun shone weakly above them, offering absolutely no warmth at all. Their breath was steaming in the air and the deep snow crunched underfoot with every laboured step.

"Remind me again, why I agreed to bring us here" The dark haired man groaned to the man stood next to him. His light brown eyes twinkled and his face split into a smile. However, before the man could reply, a brightly coloured blur, shouting in delight, shot past them. The two men smiled again.

"I think that answers your question Sirius" The brown eyed man told his best friend. Sirius smirked at him. he quickly jumped out of the way again as another brightly coloured blur shot past them. "They're going to need pulling up the hill again"

Sirius pretended to grumble as he trudged through the snow towards where three brightly clad children were clambering out of sleds. There was a thirteen year old boy with messy black hair and glasses, though the black hair was currently stuffed in a rather lurid green hat, a five year old girl in a purple snow suit and a one year old who was wearing so many layers that he looked rather marshmallow like. All three of them were grinning broadly.

There was a strange sound behind him and Sirius turned to see Remus fumbling with the camera with his gloved hands. He stepped out of the way, knowing that if he interrupted Remus taking photos there would be hell to pay. If there was one thing Sirius didn't want, it was an angry werewolf; most especially if its anger was directed at him. it wouldn't be pretty. Sirius' musings were interrupted by a small tug on his gloved hand. Sirius looked down to see Kura grinning up at him.

"Can we go again Daddy? Please?"

Sirius pretended to think. "Well, it's a long way… and I'm tired. I don't know if I can manage it" Kura looked up at him with beseeching eyes.

"It's because he's old Kura. His legs might give out half way up the hill" Harry added in a cheeky tone. He'd handed the one year old to Remus and he stood in front of Sirius defiantly, mischief dancing in his eyes.

"OI! Cheeky sod!" Sirius grabbed a handful of snow and threw it at him. Harry dodged it easily and threw one back. It very quickly became a fierce snowball fight. Kura even joined in, but she wasn't sure whose side she should join so she just threw snow at both of them. It only ended when Sirius managed to get a snowball in Harry's hood and Harry pulled it on his head, not knowing what Sirius had done, and ended up with a snow covered head.

"Where's Uncle Remus?" Kura asked as they watched Harry shake his head fiercely.

Sirius took pity on him in the end and moved over to help him brush the snow out of his hair. Truth be told, he felt slightly guilty about the whole thing. He clumsily searched for his wand, cast a warming charm on the three of them and looked around for Remus. He and Matthew were nowhere to be seen. Trying to fight down the wave of panic that he felt, he spoke in a deliberately calm voice. "He's probably sledding with Matthew. He's very childish, you know"

He might have said it to reassure Harry and Kura, but it did nothing to calm his own frazzled nerves. Growing up in a war had made him very pessimistic – he always thought the worst when something like this happened – and the events of last year had just ruined him completely. That was partly why Sirius had spent so much money to bring them all to New Zealand. They all needed a break, an escape from the tortured thoughts that waited for them at home.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" Harry muttered in his ear. Sirius looked at him. There had been a time when Harry was no bigger than Sirius forearm, but now he was nearly as tall as the elder man. His head came up to his shoulder, his messy hair sticking out in every way possible. He gave Sirius a shrewd look. Sirius amost laughed, he might be pessimistic, but he was nothing compared to Harry. Sirius sobered as soon as the thought entered his mind. Harry had every reason to be pessimistic.

"Not really" He saw no point in lying to Harry to make him feel better. It probably wouldn't work anyway, and Harry was clever enough to work it out anyway. "But there's no point in scaring Kura. Besides, Remus is more than capable at looking after himself. He's saved my life on more than one occassion" Harry shot him a curious look. Sirius smiled, took Kura's hand and began to look for Remus and Matthew. "Oh yes, you might not think it, but beneath that quiet, smartarse is a very brave man. He's scary when his friends are in danger. When we were at school, I jumped in the way of a curse for your dad. I nearly died. I don't know how they did it, but Remus found out who cast the curse. By the time your dad pulled him away from the fight, the Slytherin had a broken nose and two black eyes"

Harry was suitably impressed and joined in the search for Remus, less worried than he had been before Sirius had spoken. They eventually found him in the small café at the bottom of the hill, holding a bottle of warm milk out for Matthew. Sirius kissed his son's forehead in relief, clapped Remus on the shoulder and then proceeded to buy three of the largest hot drinks that he could carry.

OoOoOo

"Look Daddy!" Kura cried excitedly. Sirius whipped around, nearly lost his balance, righted himself and stared in the direction she was pointing. He caught a glimpse of a whales tail before it disappeared beneath the water with a big splash.

"I missed it again! I'm rubbish at this" Harry exclaimed angrily from behind him. "I'm going to stand here and stare at the water until we see another one" He announced firmly, leaning on the rails and pointedly staring out at the open ocean.

"I got a picture of that one, if it helps" Remus added cheerfully. He smirked as Harry stuck his tongue out at him. "Well, that's no way to treat your elders Harry"

Harry pointedly ignored them, crouching down so that he could talk to Kura. Sirius couldn't help but smile at the sight. His family meant everything to him, and to see them all together always made him smile. In his opinion, it didn't happen nearly often enough. Kura giggled at something Harry said and Sirius smiled, before moving over to join his wife.

"Well, you look happy" Alex said cheerily, then she sobered. "You look… peaceful, and you haven't for a very long time"

Sirius stared at the ocean. She wasn't wrong there. His mind had been in turmoil for the last year, switching from rage to guilt to grief without a moments warning. And it all came down to one man. Peter Pettigrew. The man who'd betrayed James and Lily to their deaths. The man who'd once been their friend. He'd been in Azkaban ever since 1984 when Remus had caught him, but he'd escaped. Sirius still thought that he'd lied about how he escaped – he was convinced there was dark magic involved, even though Peter had told them it was just a mistake on the guards part. Sirius didn't believe him, but he thought his suspicion was perfectly justified – after all, Peter had already proven once that he was a very good liar. They'd caught him again though, at the end of Harry's third year. He was now facing trial to decide whether he deserved the Dementors kiss.

Sirius wasn't quite sure what he wanted the outcome to be. On the one hand, he wanted Peter to suffer for what he had done, and thought it was justified. But on the other hand, he could tell that James wouldn't approve. Sirius had tried, as much as he could, to stick to James' morals after he'd taken in Harry. And he knew that James would fight tooth and nail for the Peter he had known to be spared the kiss. Because that was the most disturbing thing. Despite the years of fear and the horrible things he'd done, it was still Peter. His face had been gaunt, and his voice hollow, but it had still looked and sounded like their old friend. And no matter what he'd done, James wouldn't have wanted that.

"I am at peace," Sirius answered slowly. "I think this was just what I needed. I didn't really realise the effect the whole case was having on me, but I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders"

Alex smiled sadly and placed her hand on top of his. Sirius smiled slightly at the gesture. "You were like a man possessed towards the end. It's good to see you smile again"

Just as she finished, Harry let out a whoop of joy and threw his arms in the air. "I saw one. Finally"

Remus looked in the direction that Harry had been staring for the last ten minutes. "Harry, that's not a whale. That's a piece of driftwood"

Harry's arms dropped back to his side and he hurried over to where Remus was squinting. He tried to ignore Kura laughing at him. "No, it can't be… I saw it move!" He stared at what he claimed was a whale defiantly, almost if he were hoping it would do something to prove him right. It didn't. Harry's shoulders drooped and he blushed slightly, rubbing the bacck of his hair awkwardly. That gesture was too much for Sirius. James used to do something similar whenever Lily caught them doing something they ought not be doing. Sirius couldn't help it. He laughed. He laughed until his ribs hurt, his bark like laugh echoing across the waves. He laughed the laugh of a free man, of a man who has known pain and rage, but is finally able to laugh. He was free.

OoOoOo

"I didn't realise I'd come on holiday with five children" Alex announced as she surveyed the scene before her. Two snowmen stood directly in front of the chalet, each one facing off to the other. Or rather, one was facing the other, currently headless snowman. And from the way Remus was dusting clumps of snow off his jacket, it was quite obvious where it had gone.

"Sirius started it. His snowman threw its head at me" Remus said, glaring at the guilty man.

"I only told it to throw its head at you because yours threw a snowball at me" Sirius replied petulantly.

"Yes, and I only did that because you disturbed the tree above me, and showered me with snow"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again. Truth be told, he'd done it in the hopes of reawakening the old Remus. The fun Remus. He'd been far too grim and serious ever since leaving Hogwarts. Sirius couldn't really understand why – it had been his choice to leave his job. Granted, he'd done it because of his condition, but still. The only people that knew weren't going to tell anybody, and the event that haad caused his resignation had been a fluke – it wasn't everyday that your godson got captured by a mass murderer, even when your godson was Harry Potter. Harry, Sirius and even Dumbledore had all tried to convince him to stay on as teacher. He wasn't having any of it, and had told them as much. So now they just had to deal with depressed Remus. Sirius had tried everything he could think of to shake him out of this funk, and now he was getting desperate. Nothing was working.


End file.
